Spirit of the dawn
by writingstarlet
Summary: Sam had a violent vision which has totally exhausted him, so that he has become unconscious. Dean has supplied him, knows Sam in security and sits before her motel room on the steps in the dawn and thinks namely exactly after what he has never said to Sam


**Titel: Spirit of the dawn **

**Beta:Lilia – I like you so much and many thanks for your constantly reading**

**Spoiler:End Season 3 / Beginning Season 4 because Dean was already in hell **

**Song:Spirit of the dawn (Vanilla Ninja) **

**.com/watch?v=xpZVX09rH-c **

Authors note: This Song is one of my favorite from Vanilla Ninja. The girls are my favorite band as one from many more and you should hear the Song while your reading or at the end. If you see mistakes please give me advices and help me to make it better but don`t be angry. I'm german and I'm not perfect.

I remember the times when I was a child

and the world would full of grace

_I remember the times when I was a child and 4 years old. It was a special day in May. This one day was the most beautiful in my whole life. You were born and a very sweet baby with innocent big blue-grew saucer eyes and a cute smile. You have still this smile. If I see you're laughing it's the same way until today. We were a lucky family, Mum, Dad, you and I. Already at that time it was clear that I have to protect you now and then, whatever the time brings to us._

the wind would whisper of miracles

and a secret magic place

but the sun went down and the first night fell

like a shadow upon my life

and though all the colours slowly turned to grey

_Our family life was wonderful, peaceful. Mum and Dad were the luckiest parents on earth. Although you were a baby Mum was reading fairy tale stories about magician, fays, and elves and so on. You couldn't__understand what it means but for all that you heard what Mum read__. __I listened too, because Mum had a wonderful wise to read something. How should I guess that nothing will be the same as yet._

_It was a beautiful day as always. In the evening Mum went to sleep and Dad was watching TV in our living room. You were laying in your bed peaceful and I was in my room and thought about why I deserved a brother like you. Than all was unlike. Mum hung on the top and burned. Dad was trying to help her but he couldn't__anymore. He laid you in my arms and said to me, that I should rescue my little brother and look after him. I did it but there was no rescue for mum. At these moment my ideal world became unlike and for a long time I have seen simply grew and__banished all colours and happiness away from my life. _

in the spirit of the dawn

in the twilight of your soul

theres a voice that guides me home

to the spirit of the dawn.

_Dad picked up us to his hunt and I'm asking myself until today what this life was. Made Dad this of love for us or of hate for the demon? I thing the last one than was it love how Dad handled with us, how he was leaving us alone? Also thereon I hadn't an answer for a long time. Already for that time Dad knew that something is happened to you by the demon. But it was equal for me than you were and you are my little brother which I will protect and will love forever equal whatever will happen._

_You are the one who is giving me hope also you probably don't know that. Sam you are the person no matter how old are you who has shown me again that the world has colours. You show me that there is something for what it is worthwhile to live itself and to fight. You had to do for it nothing at all, but talk just with me or be there just and be my brother._

for all the pain in my heart

all the bruises and scars

I`ll become the one I was

in the spirit of the dawn.

_The heart has bled to me often if you saw in my eyes and have asked me, why our life is not in such a way, as that of others. Why we moved so often, why Mum wasn't there, why Dad left us at times. As you asked whether he does not love us at all. What should I answer you? I didn't know it for myself. It hurted me if you have suffered no matter whether you were ill, had injured yourself in the training what pulled through Dad with us or has cried because you wanted a life. A life what all the others had but not we. Yes it hurted me, hurted me terribly. However, I kept my pain for myself. Also now he is still steady in my heart enclosed – he should not still load you. I do not know how many scars my heart must already have, but if it is to your welfare, I carry them with pleasure. I am the older brother. I must be strong! For you. _

and there I´m wandering through a city of sin

with the creatures of the night

and we shared the suffering and the tears

in this neverending fight

_And today we both are adult but nothing has changed my position. Sammy, how many times I thought about what will happen if "the nastily" appears? When you're going to be that what we have hunted our whole life? What is then? I see how we're going through the streets lost but together. We share pains, suffering and tears but we do nothing any longer. We go further and further meanwhile the chaos is everywhere around us. A few people are trying to fight against the demons but they all are lost and we have no more interest to these. _

_But however, so far I do not let it come. And if there is no longer hope and rescue for us so I will die together with you. _

and in a world of broken promises

with a sky that's cracked

ripped and torn

well die just to be reborn

_We will stand together Sam. We both against the rest of the world. Equal sometimes it seems that there is no rescue for the world. Everywhere only lies, murder and above all the demons, the absolutely nastily that for us always seem to waylay. You have to know Sammy that I'm sometimes tired of these, tired from all our fights and wounds we have suffered physically and emotionally. I will surrender sometimes all. What is bad in it if they get us? If Lucifer is coming out the earth and whole humanity will be lost. But then I see you how you brace yourself with all your power against the nastily. I see how you're doing all things to fight against the germ which is in you and how you're trying to hide it in you. _

_So all these bad minds are far away. I still have to remain and be strong for you. Finally you're the only one who is remains for me in this terrible world full of broken promises, lies, hatred and ingratitude. _

in the spirit of the dawn

in the twilight of your soul

there's a voice that guides me home

to the spirit of the dawn.

_Rather you are the person who is rescued me the whole time. You my little, big brother who is rescued me from day to day. Without you I had capitulated and followed__Dad to the horribly and terribly place you can imagine. But this is hided deep in me, too._

for all the pain in my heart

all the bruises and scars

I`ll become the one I was

in the spirit of the dawn.

_What I experienced is too cruel to tell you details about that. You couldn't stand it, believe me. I wouldn't find words to describe what was happened and what they have done with me in hell. Never ending pains and torments. No I can't tell you all these things. I have to hide this deep in me so perhaps I can forget. _

and I will never loose my faith

in the truth behind my prayers

I keep searching for the desert rain

cause I know that it will wash away my pain

_Equal what was happened and what will happen I remain what I am. You're big brother who will protect and will be there for you forever. Quite all the same you're ill or injured or tired and unconscious as now. I will be there beside your bed and watching you. _

_They never get us!!!_

THE END


End file.
